Congratulations!
Support groups are a great first step to overcoming or dealing with an issue, handicap, or loss....etc. Support groups can really help you along, you get as much as you give...you know the rhetoric. But support groups may also have a seamy underbelly.
I am hoping to help you avoid this underbelly and stay afloat when you need that lifeline the most.
The first and most important thing is....be cautious. When I first joined a support group I wanted it "all out there" no secrets, only honesty. It's a great idea in theory, but do you know the person sitting next to you? Behind you? Across from you? The person who helped dry your tears? The earnest person who gave you their number to call any time of the day or night?
Probably not....guess what?....no one else might either.
Be mindful of what information you give to others. They quite literally can end up holding your happiness in their hands. Most people are honest, genuine and really do want to help. There are the creeps who have ulterior motives however.
Protect your already wounded heart, body and soul. My don'ts
Don't use a real name if you can avoid it. There will be time to clear things up later if you meet a genuine friend. They will understand!
Don't give out personal information, landmarks near your home or workplace
Avoid giving specifics about a higher profile accident, illness, break in, injury....if you were in the news but no photos were released, keep this under wraps.
If your support groups is online DO NOT post a photo of yourself
If your support groups is IRL (in real life) avoid wearing garments relating to work or your true station in life. Dress as plainly as possible.
If you go out for coffee in a group, pay with cash, keep your phone, keys and purse or wallet with you
This may sound like overkill and paranoia. It really isn't. In addition to the stalker I started this blog sharing with the world. I have joined 2 other online support groups. In one I was stupid enough to have a photo of myself up, used my real name in the chat room, divulged my real hometown.....I had a person pull up google earth and start listing things near my house. I denied it all and swore I lived on the other side of town. He said "it would be so easy to find you and kill you, you have no idea what I really look like, the photo posted isn't me, but your photo is real and I know what lake that's near" I took down my photo, removed my hometown from my profile, asked my friends not to use my real name, reported the person (he was banned, but may return as another person) and made sure I can fire the gun in my nightstand. The person really does live near me.
Not all support group people are evil....some are emotional vampires, others are fakers or malingerers.
I want you to have a good support group experience. There are plenty of people on there who are VERY vague about the specifics of their lives. They get just as much support as the yappers like me do. They also have a lot more piece of mind and tend to stay with the groups longer.
Now the Do's
Do, honestly share what happened (just not where or a link to the accident)
Do, post freely and honestly and frankly answer questions
Do, share the details of your day...cried less, cried more, felt better, felt worse...etc
Do ask for a good regional expert or a good expert in the state (no sharing your city) if asked if a metro area is near you say "near enough to make it worth while"
Do ask for help when blue
Do lean on others and Do make friends
Support groups are happy, good and helpful places when used properly...kind of like kitchen knives. Good but can really cut you.
Happy supporting
